It's hard to write this journal, but I do it for a good reason.
BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING OUT THERE from the perspective of a family member
dealing with their child with schizophrenia and OCD and anxiety attacks.
***
WEEK 6
Sept. 8-14
Our son is starting to drive again and did well. Driving on feeder roads until he gets used to his car.
Sept. 10...our son drinks a high caffeine drink...very irritated and on edge. Caffeine messes with his anxiety.
Sept. 11...drank a pepsi. Lots of anger, banging on table at night. Our son wants to give up. Hard for us to go to work each day. Our son still in a day care support group.
Sept. 12...third day to mess with caffeine. Why!!! Says he's stressed without it. We dread this current trend.
Sept. 13th...no caffeine. Better day.
Sept. 14th. Our son is always fighting us about taking his medicine. Feels like his medicine is some form of punishment. Very mean words to us. We say it is a form of bullying and send him outside to cool off. We bring him after a minute and tell him that HE IS NOT going to sit in the living room and spout off how terrible his family is. This form of bullying promotes no positive energy and no desires to help our son with his problems.
***
WEEK 7
Sept. 15-21
Xanax is the only thing helping with nightly anxiety attacks. Why only at night?
Visited with Dr. M.....he did not let us go in the room with our son. We feel utterly alone.
Our son cannot make his own decisions at this point in his life. What can we do?
Thursday...A. is still in half day program but it's nearing the end. Tells driver that his dad is to blame for everything. Ugh!
Sat..Sept. 21st
We go to an all day seminar on how to deal with caring for a child with mental illness.
Great information on how to deescalate events.
Still battling our son's self-induced anxiety from high doses of caffeine in Mountain Dew.
Stimulants are bad.
From time to time, we let our grown son take meds on his own. He forgot them on Saturday, so that means we take over the responsibility again. (He skipped them while we were at the conference!)
I've taken myself off all caffeine drinks in cans...the last being Diet Dr. Pepper.
August 7th, 2013 - September 7th, 2013...one month of freedom!
***
WEEK 8
Sept. 22-28
Monday was a good day. We found out about an out patient day center called "The Gathering Place".
We will tour it and see if it is a good fit.
Our son has quit shaving again because of fear and anxiety.
Sept.25th
The counselor phone call did not go well. She says that we stress over the little things and tells us not to 'hover'. Huh...why doesn't she come to our home and join the war instead of sitting in a nice room.
She says not to worry about the insurance running out.
I wonder.
Sept. 28th.
My wife and I to a nice restaurant for our 30th anniversary.
One nice break from the constant turmoil of mental illness.
Son has another Mountain Dew with 131mg of caffeine/77 grams of sugar.
This is more than halfway to a full blown energy drink.
The caffeine demon just won't stop!
***
For today's 5 minute break from mental illness, we turn to this very cool song. I don't quite like the pass-a-long video that goes with it. But this girl can sing and the keyboard artist is superb as well as the percussion dude. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtKZKl7Bgu0
Monday: Trip to College Station has its ups and downs. When the medicine wears off, the symptoms come back in very strange ways. Long day trips have not bee good for stability.
Tuesday: Our son cannot go to the bathroom! Alarming information. We call doctor and find out it is one of the side effects. Almost ready to go to emergency room. Son finally goes to restroom. We lower the dosage of one of his medications.
Wednesday: Heat wave makes us all miserable.
Thursday: Goes to half day program. Still taking bus.
Friday: Our son says he hates weekends. Most people love weekends. I've also seen a pattern where our son wants to complain all weekend about how bad his life is. We try to be encouraging, but it is wearing us out.
Saturday: BIG NEWS. Our son gets his car back. He makes a couple of short drives around the area with great success. This really boosts his confidence and level of freedom.
Sunday: Our son drives to church then along the feeder to a place he likes to visit. He is not taking the freeway yet. Returns home with great success.
End of week.
***
Today's 5 minute break features one of my favorite all time music videos.
The whole thing seems like a party and celebration.
Got call from psychiatrist asking if our son was showing improvement during the week in the psychiatric ward. He thought so and so did we. The meds are now covering the paranoia and troubling thoughts.
Monday:
Got call from the staff that our son was being discharged. This is both an exciting moment and then a troubling one. Will he be better at home? Or will it be another roller coaster ride?
The first night was good and he took his medicine without any fights.
Tuesday:
Our son takes one day off from the outpatient program. Everything is good until the afternoon. Our younger son sees him drinking a Full Throttle at the park! This high dose of caffeine coupled with his meds is what got him into trouble in the first place! What a mess.
We all sat down and had another family meeting. He said he would stop.
Wednesday:
Back into the PHP program all day long. This is a good thing.
Thursday:
We visit the psychiatrist and have a family meeting. He agrees that our son needs to stay on the higher dosage and needs to avoid any energy drinks with additives.
Friday:
Good day
Saturday:
Had friends over. Good day.
Sunday:
Went to church and had one friend over. Good day. We are getting hopeful that this might be it.
Ate out with friends at church. First time to socialize in public. All went well.
Monday:
One hallucination about food. Other than that, good day.
Went out of town to visit brother. Strange day for our son. For some reason long trips away from home stir up delusions. Today it was a false belief in things simply appearing. He also thought I could perform magical thinking by making things come true. Very strange.
Had problem when we changed the restaurant we were going to.
Monday: Took day off from program. Went to Psychologist to line up appt. Found out that his testing did NOT diagnose mental illnesses. I asked what the purpose would be for any testing. He said it would be for the purpose of finding brain damage and to check memory levels.
Tuesday: Got call that the outpatient program was finding that the current levels of medications were not controlling the paranoia and delusions. Found out about problem on the bus. Counselor in charge told us that the psychologist needed to change his medication levels and that our son would need to go BACK into a psych ward. This was very sad news at first, but since Tuesday I have to admit that this is the best of any mental hospitals in our city. The gardens are nice, the staff VERY professional, and the facilities extremely clean and well run. Natural lighting comes through all the upper windows and side windows. Unlike the last two places, there are trees and grass to look at. The paintings on the walls are well done and there are positive mottoes painted as murals to encourage the patients.
Wednesday: In hospital. Visitation is during the evening meal so there is something to do with your loved one.
Thursday: same
Friday: same
Saturday: same
Sunday: Got call from our psychiatrist asking how we felt about our son's progress. It is great to find a doctor who actually asks this question. Most just call the shots and a nurse's aid calls later to report what's happened. Instead we were part of the process. We both agreed that the medication was now at correct levels to control the delusions and paranoia.
Monday: Our son is released from the hospital and signed up again for the outpatient program.
He seems much more driven to change for the better. We are seeing progress for the first time since the mental breakdown in late June.
He is still off of caffeine and other stimulants.
***
Today's 5 minute break has the best of titles. It's Terra Naomi's "Say It's Possible."
She's got an intoxicating voice as if she's singing just to YOU and know one else.
The third week after being released from the psychiatric ward had its ups and downs. Thankfully, it ended on a positive note.
Monday....Always wants to know if he has to go to the classes (PHP) and if he has to take his medicine. Took a long time to get him up in the morning. He stayed out way too late with friends.
Tuesday...Worst morning since out from the clinic. Was hostile towards and refused to take his medicine until we told him we would take him back to the lock up facility. Had to go outside to cool off. Hates everything. Had meeting with psychiatrist and staff.
Met with new psychologist so that we could develop a safety plan and a plan of action for extreme threats and violence (when off meds).
Wednesday...Much better day.
Thursday....Best day of the week. Had great time at YMCA playing basketball with old friend.
Friday...Had very hard afternoon. Wants car back. Skipped meds and stayed up until 3 am due to heartburn. Feared meds were killing him. Finally went to sleep.
Saturday...Slept all morning. Had family over to celebrate an event. Our son stayed very quiet the whole time. Eating out was not fun due to too high of expectations. Night was OK.
Sunday....Was too depressed to go to church. Had party in afternoon. Part of it was OK and part was to overwhelming emotionally.
Monday....Went to testing center to set up psych test. Had difficult night. Thought everyone was evil at YMCA. Thought hamburger patty was a form of cannabilism. Worried about sharks attacking him. Some mild delusions about food being old because it didn't have the newest bar code on the label.
Called brother to explain it to our son.
***
Time for a 5 minute break.
Here's a great guitar soloist names Sungha Jung. I used to play like this back in my younger days, but was never this well-versed. Great job!
I'm so glad I'm writing all this down so that I can see where we've been and where we are going.
Our son is on week two of a Partial Hospital Program as part of his treatment for a mental collapse during this summer. Here's this week's review:
Week 2
Monday: Did not want to go to the treatment program. Did not want to take his meds and asked why we were doing all this. He is on 4 meds right now during this fragile time. Afternoon was good and he was in higher spirits.
Tuesday: Was more agreeable. Doctor added an med he used to be on for mood stabilization. This made a remarkable difference in a positive way.
Wednesday: Better day. Good night. Physical workout each night helps immensely with depression.
Thursday: Same good day as Wednesday.
Friday: Asked why he had to go to program. Difficulty taking meds, but finally agreed.
Saturday: We stayed home for most of the day and relaxed.Went to small party for a friend but was overwhelmed by noise. Went with brother to a coffee shop. This was better.
Sunday: Went to church for the first time in months. Better day.
Went out with friends all day and up until 10:00 PM at night. Too long of a day, but positive until having to take meds.
Monday: Could not wake up in time to catch bus. Had to take him to classes.
All in all, there's very little depression this week and no violence or outward yelling.
He needs lots of space.
Downside: Short term memory is being wiped out by his medications. No long term effect, but still scary.
***
For today's 5 minute break, I'll take you to a wonderful song by Mandisa. If you've never experienced Mandisa, then hold on. She's a powerful positive influence in this world and I love her music!
Enjoy!!!
Our son was released from the hospital one week ago. A week that felt like a month.
Minute 1: Upon our greeting he declared that he'd rather live on the street than live at home with us.
Nice start.
Minute 2: We found out that he had skipped his medicine the night before. Great hand off.
Minute 3: He wanted to know how we were going to make him take his medicine now that he was out.
Hard ball....and...at this point we were wondering if we were even going to make it to the door
and into the car.
On the way home we tried to hand him a medication for anxiety and he hit his mom.
We were on minute 14.
We stopped by his psychiatrist (miracles do happen...we could get in and were in the area)
so that we could restate how taking the medicines would save him from going back
to a lock up facility.
We also got the OK to up the dosage since the hospital was going to do it anyway, but instead released him.
(...which now made us the guinea pigs from here on out)
***
Day 2: Better
Day 3: We found the Partial Hospitalization Program that was on our insurance. We filled out the paperwork then went home.
Day 4: We got our son to the program. The counselor met with us and we formulated a plan.
He joined the Second Chance group for those who are survivors of their own suicide attempts.
(Yes, it's that serious)
Day 5: Lots of rage, depression, anger about the unfairness of life. But still taking meds.
Day 6: Horrible out of town trip. Endless battles with bad attitudes. Trip ended with his idea of wanting to jump off a pier to drown. (Wow, fun trip for all us....wonder if things are going to get better....ever)
Day 7: Better day. He apologized for the 'jump off the pier' ordeal. Lots of exercise and outdoor activities helped. Had friends over. Nice, but a bit of an overload. Build in 'alone' time concept into each day.
Day 8: Second week of Second Chance program. Great talks with counselors and with their psychiatrist. He is formulating ideas of what's going on. Our son is still having huge fears of slipping back into unreality.
We read the Bible and pray each night before bedtime. Psalms 40 is our favorite.
And there ends week ONE & I need a break.
***
Today's 5 minute break brings us back to Vasquez Sounds with a beautiful rendition of Demi Lovato's 'Skyscraper'. This girl can sing...she's got the magic touch. And her two brothers don't miss a beat. What a wonderful family band!
One week ago our son was in reality and aware of his surroundings.
His OCD has not turned into Schizophrenia.
And if you have OCD and you worry about this, I have a simple and comforting sentence for you:
If you have the ability to worry about becoming schizophrenic, then you are not schizophrenic.
Move on with a smile because no matter how many times you worry about this, it just isn't a problem.
Our son cannot worry about it any longer because he is not in touch with reality.
He cannot ask that type of question.
***
Our current idea is that the medications he has taken for the last 10 years that were controlling
his mood disorders/anxiety were also protecting him from the beginning phase of schizophrenia.
The same medication is prescribed for both conditions.
***
He has always been in reality until this last week.
He has not had a formal diagnosis at the hospital, so I am just guessing what to call it.
But his paranoia, constant talk of conspiracy theories, mind control, voodoo dolls, and the doctors plotting against him all point to paranoid schizophrenia.
***
As painful as this will be,
I will try to map out a day to day progression so that those who need this information
can find it.
Like a message in a bottle floating out there on the internet.
I will start tomorrow.
*******
Today's 5 minute break is called 'Gone, gone, gone' because that's how I feel right now
In our case, the profile is a bit different since our son had become addicted to caffeine and panax ginseng extract and other stimulants in teas and energy drinks.
Most IOPs have programs dealing with alcohol or strong substance abuse.
Still, most of the places we visited took ENERGY DRINK ADDICTION very seriously. IN MY OPINION,
energy drinks and their cocktails of high octane stimulants have the potential to
wreak havoc on people taking medications for
bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, OCD, anxiety disorders, or depression.
I would also be very cautious about mixing ADHD medications with energy drinks and high levels of caffeine.
Stimulants are STIMULATING! Just check your pulse after drinking a MONSTER and you'll see.
****
Our loved one is depressed beyond measure that he cannot control
